Ah, Facebook, I thought you might be a nice way for me to keep up with and reconnect with some of my old friends...and you were, for a couple of weeks. I did find that a bunch of my friends, with whom I could (and sometimes do) communicate in other ways, such as telephone, email, hell, even a visit now and then, do in fact have facebook accounts, or walls, as the case may be. So nice to be able to write a quick, informal note saying hello or passing on some bit of news.
But then I caught the bug. Started looking for people I know, or knew at some time, but with whom I'm not close--just to see who is signed up with you! And then I looked at their friends--did I know any of them? (And why would that be important?) So surprisingly addictive! Luckily, I don't know that many people any more, and I've forgotten a larger number of people I used to know than I'd like to admit. So my life was not consumed by you.
And further luckily, I did not use my name to sign up for you, so I'm hoping that not so many people are looking at me. (Thank God for that genetic paranoia.) But looking is what people do on your pages, and all sorts of people are "making friends" through you, and I suddenly realized that I'm not all that sure about the etiquette there, and what do I do if someone invites me to be friends and I don't want to be? I don't want people I'm not really friends with but who have become my facebook friends reading my little messages to and from my (real) friends! I'm not putting any photos on you but that would be even worse! So now I'm feeling a little bit gross about you.
Also, although I think it is totally fine to have a blog that is all about me, I think it is kind of icky to keep inputting to your pages what mundane things I might be doing at any given time, so that my friends can keep tabs on me. Firstly, my life is just not that busy. Secondly, I'm self-absorbed, but that's ridiculous. Thirdly, well, thirdly, I just don't have time to stop and take a moment to jot down that I'm washing dishes, or drying my hair, or going out, etc. Icky.
And now the kicker. One of my new facebook friends invited me to join one of your clubs, Facebook. (And in this case, new facebook friend does not equal close friend, at all.) Oh dear. So I went and looked at this club, and it is not cool. I do, in fact, know almost all of the forty some-odd members of this club, and really, none of them are my friends. None of 'em. Frankly, darling, I don't want to be friends.
So now what, facebook? Do I have to go dark, so that I can pretend that I never saw the invitation? Maybe I should get a new facebook name and account, and start fresh, and have no friends at all? Do I just stay away from you? Can I manage that? The dilemma, facebook, the dilemma of it all.
Maybe it's that I've got a great imagination, or maybe I really am becoming paranoid, or maybe I'm just really perceptive, (I like the last option,) but lately my first take on some things happening around the neighborhood has been a bit different than what, in reality, has really been happening. Is this just something that happens to me? I can't decide if I'm a little crazy, or if everyone does this kind of thing.
Let me give you some recent examples.
1. 7:15 on a sunny Tuesday morning. I am drying my hair in the bathroom. Through the mirror I note a huge black SUV with darkly tinted windows pull up in my neighbor's driveway. (My neighbor has just arrived home from an international trip. I'm not sure what she was doing. Could have been vacation, could have been...something else.) I immediately imagine men in suits popping out and converging on the house, Feds of some sort, which is interesting to me, until I think, what would stop them from coming for me? And then I actually start to get nervous, and review in my mind what I've done illegally recently, or how I may have breached federal security, when the door to the SUV opens and my neighbor's cleaning man pops out. Good morning, cleaning man! Glad you're not a fed! (as far as I know...)
2. 8:55 AM on a cloudy Thursday morning. I am driving the car on some important errand. I drive past a lawn service van with a small trailer attached. I note the driver, a balding middle-aged man with a twitchy look in his eye. Later, at approximately 3:20 PM, I note again the twitchy lawn man and his van, about 5 houses away from the morning spot. Still looking twitchy. I begin to wonder what he actually has in that trailer: kidnapped kids? Neighborhood pets? Unsuspecting housewives? Stolen goods obtained from the neighbor's homes? From my home?! Luckily, I later find out that no one and nothing is missing.
3. 4:00 PM on some day last week. I look out the front door and to my surprise a cat jumps out at me. We have no cat! Where is this cat from ?! I am afraid of cats! Immediately I slam the door closed, because, who knows, the cat could be some sort of ploy to get me out of the house, or at least to open the door. (Didn't you see that episode of Criminal Minds?) The kids come around to see why the door slammed and one notes, "Oh, there's the neighbor's cat, Fred." Well, maybe. I still hold that there could have been someone in the bushes.
4. Okay. It's Halloween. I lock the house up tight, turn on all the outside lights, and take the screens down from the windows. I draw all the shades on the first floor and make sure the motion detector lights are on. I get set up at the front door with my bowl of candy and my phone, in case I need to call 911 at some point during the night. Several times during the trick or treating visits I have to suppress the urge to make the big kids in creepy costumes take their masks off before I give them candy. (They were big kids, with scary masks, though, and what better way to stage a hold-up, then that?) Yeah. This one is more to show you my paranoia then my imagination, I guess.
5. Today, at work. I continually think I am feeling a breeze on the back of my legs. I am wearing a dress and tights with boots today. I notice that frequently am reaching back and smoothing my skirt. By lunchtime I realize that this is not just a feminine habit. I will admit that I am paranoid, and refer you to this post for more information about this particular issue. Of note, I do have a moment of hysterical laughter in the bathroom at the memory of that particular day/post.
So what do you think? Crazy or not crazy? I must further admit that these few occurrences are probably just a drop in the bucket of my looniness, but my short term memory is gone, mainly due to lack of sleep, and a lot of the time this stuff all seems normal to me, so it doesn't stand out in my memory. Keep that in mind as you vote.