Wednesday, November 05, 2008

My Reality

Maybe it's that I've got a great imagination, or maybe I really am becoming paranoid, or maybe I'm just really perceptive, (I like the last option,) but lately my first take on some things happening around the neighborhood has been a bit different than what, in reality, has really been happening. Is this just something that happens to me? I can't decide if I'm a little crazy, or if everyone does this kind of thing.

Let me give you some recent examples.

1. 7:15 on a sunny Tuesday morning. I am drying my hair in the bathroom. Through the mirror I note a huge black SUV with darkly tinted windows pull up in my neighbor's driveway. (My neighbor has just arrived home from an international trip. I'm not sure what she was doing. Could have been vacation, could have been...something else.) I immediately imagine men in suits popping out and converging on the house, Feds of some sort, which is interesting to me, until I think, what would stop them from coming for me? And then I actually start to get nervous, and review in my mind what I've done illegally recently, or how I may have breached federal security, when the door to the SUV opens and my neighbor's cleaning man pops out. Good morning, cleaning man! Glad you're not a fed! (as far as I know...)

2. 8:55 AM on a cloudy Thursday morning. I am driving the car on some important errand. I drive past a lawn service van with a small trailer attached. I note the driver, a balding middle-aged man with a twitchy look in his eye. Later, at approximately 3:20 PM, I note again the twitchy lawn man and his van, about 5 houses away from the morning spot. Still looking twitchy. I begin to wonder what he actually has in that trailer: kidnapped kids? Neighborhood pets? Unsuspecting housewives? Stolen goods obtained from the neighbor's homes? From my home?! Luckily, I later find out that no one and nothing is missing.

3. 4:00 PM on some day last week. I look out the front door and to my surprise a cat jumps out at me. We have no cat! Where is this cat from ?! I am afraid of cats! Immediately I slam the door closed, because, who knows, the cat could be some sort of ploy to get me out of the house, or at least to open the door. (Didn't you see that episode of Criminal Minds?) The kids come around to see why the door slammed and one notes, "Oh, there's the neighbor's cat, Fred." Well, maybe. I still hold that there could have been someone in the bushes.

4. Okay. It's Halloween. I lock the house up tight, turn on all the outside lights, and take the screens down from the windows. I draw all the shades on the first floor and make sure the motion detector lights are on. I get set up at the front door with my bowl of candy and my phone, in case I need to call 911 at some point during the night. Several times during the trick or treating visits I have to suppress the urge to make the big kids in creepy costumes take their masks off before I give them candy. (They were big kids, with scary masks, though, and what better way to stage a hold-up, then that?) Yeah. This one is more to show you my paranoia then my imagination, I guess.

5. Today, at work. I continually think I am feeling a breeze on the back of my legs. I am wearing a dress and tights with boots today. I notice that frequently am reaching back and smoothing my skirt. By lunchtime I realize that this is not just a feminine habit. I will admit that I am paranoid, and refer you to this post for more information about this particular issue. Of note, I do have a moment of hysterical laughter in the bathroom at the memory of that particular day/post.

So what do you think? Crazy or not crazy? I must further admit that these few occurrences are probably just a drop in the bucket of my looniness, but my short term memory is gone, mainly due to lack of sleep, and a lot of the time this stuff all seems normal to me, so it doesn't stand out in my memory. Keep that in mind as you vote.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Certifiable!
although, I understand...and really, who's not afraid of cats??

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