Bad Hair Day

If I had to pick one part of my personal beauty care routine that is lacking, it would be my hair care. Unfortunately, there's not one part lacking; don't even ask about makeup. Don't even get me stahted! Really this is a rave about my ucky hair. Stop here it you'd rather not listen to complaining. Ahem. But the hair care issue really has been more noticeable lately, what with the 100% humidity and such. I'll give you the breakdown on my faulty hair philosophy in just a moment; first, a little history. I had lovely long wavy hair as a young girl. Dark and glossy, if the polaroids are reliable. Then came middle school, during which I decided to get "wings" cut in; not so much feathers, as many had: these things were sort of like bangs that were parted in the middle and swept off to the sides of the head, looking, as it were, like wings. I didn't quite know how to handle the hair dryer, so there was alot of frizz associated with this coif. High school was worse: by now my hair was curly and frizzy, and I still couldn't control the hair dryer. After a year or two of the winged look, and multiple curling iron attempts, I decided to control the craziness with a short haircut. I looked like a boy unless I let the cut grow out a bit, and then I looked like I was wearing a shiny brown helmet. Oh, how wicked pretty I was.In college I learned the scrunch technique (can you guess the era of which I speak?) and, well, I was in college, so I stopped paying to have my hair cut. Right, I cut it myself, even the back, often with nary a friend or mirror to aid me. I ended up with pretty ringlet curls for a few years. Maybe the bottom wasn't even, but. Good times. Anyway, after a few kids, my hair's not curly any more, nor is it straight; so I generally melt it into submission on a daily basis. I had a good cut a few months back, the first in, um, years. (My hairdresser is another story, I can't even start about her and me right now. (Am I right, sistas?)) I should have kept it up, but in my infinite wisdom, I thought, to myself, because no one else is really interested, so if you're still reading this post at this point, I thank you; Self, hey, grow your hair long, because humidity season is coming, and your head'll be frizzelicious, and so at least if it's long you can throw it in a ponytail and that's not so uncool. Nobody can really see frizz if it's in a pony. So I let it grow, and it's past my shoulders, but just past, and I can't really wear a ponytail to work, so now on the sides, it hits the shoulder and curls a little, so there's this icky crease in the bottom of it; (not in the back, I should think; but again, no friends and no mirrors...) or scenario number two, I am drying it so carelessly that the left turns under and the right flips out, like there's some sort of split end magnet off to my right and all the ends of my hair are being drawn to it; or hey, scenario three, there you are--we have three days of frizz, and the blowdrying is really not getting any of the humidity out of my hair, so there are random kinks all over, such that the hair does not even look symmetric all the way around, and there are these (oh, so cute, really not) icky cowlicky things up by the part. The cowlicky mess makes me look like a half-assed vampire and the asymmetric kinks somehow reminds me of the old helmet look. And what's the deal about the whole head of hair moving in one piece like it was hairsprayed? No lovely swinging strands for me. Just a mass shifting of helmety kinks. Scenario three makes me worry that I will not be taken seriously by anyone at all, as I have an appearance quite similar to someone who might not be in a stable state of mind. What? Oh, my hair's in a ponytail now. If I were younger, I would cut it down to about, I don't know, one and a half or two inches, and dye it platinum for a while, just out of spite. At least then it would look purposeful, not like I just got caught in a rain shower. Being a mom of a certain age with a certain job, I'm feeling a little hemmed in about that, though. Probably for the best. For now, baseball caps, ponytails, and the occasional clip. Maybe I'll tackle the straight iron...